Recently I celebrated my 24th birthday and I’ve asked myself what changes I’ve seen in my life so far. I’ve gotten into the hobby of watching the world evolve as we speak. It’s very much being conscious of the changes that are happening around you and the dynamics that build into them. It’s also being aware of the complexities that intertwine our lives. It is a fair truth that the world belongs to those who engage in these complexities – of growth, love, passion and many others. But these complexities give both immense joy and tragic pains and I’ve experienced both in the past few days.
This will be a short post for the most part, not because not a lot has happened, but because so much has happened that cannot and should not be written. For the first time in a while, these records will have gaps that are intentional and there.
Now, immense joy. I’ve recently felt the true sensation of bliss in my life. Time and again, I’ve sought out the gem of happiness (pure, unfiltered and lasting) and I’ve sought it in various places. This is why I travel, why I write, why I try to solve problems. But I think the moment I felt bliss was when I felt love, in all of its forms, when I didn’t earn it. Love that was bestowed upon me because I was who I was and furiously committed to that. Love that was enveloping and entrapping. From my family that has been there since day 1, to my friends who have taken the journeys with me, to the cosmic sense of the world that has shown me its beauty, I have felt love in consecutive waves that built upon each other and it is beautiful. I am so grateful for these stranger things.
But tragic pains also are part of the parcel of existence. I stay conscious of the fact that too many good things beget one bad thing, and while there’s no rationale for that belief, it keeps me wary. I stay wary that others are complex and are on their own paths, and sometimes in my attempt to understand their complexity, I can misstep. I stay wary that the world is built on tensions between dualistic forces and sometimes we got caught in the midst of them. I stay wary that sometimes pain is an energy by itself, and it can inspire thought, empathy and progress. Emotional pain drives itself to the soul, lunging at the core safeties that we’ve built for ourselves and tears them apart. It drains you of your energy for the quickest moment, leaving you a vessel, but then provides you the option of response. How one deals with pain show probably some of the most defining moments of their character, especially if it is tied again to the understanding of our lives. I have felt pain recently and it was excruciating, but it was honest and truthful and the most connected I’ve felt to my humanity in a while. These too are stranger things.
We are essentially dancing all throughout our lives, between moments of joy and pain. Some are stumbling through, and some ride the waves, but everyone is in their own complex performance. But the dance cannot be beautiful without the tension, and it cannot be interesting without the momvement, and so dance we must, and dance we shall.