It’s always interested me how people become afraid of change as they grow up. We live our youth in hope; in aspiration that at some point our lives will be better and different. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we don’t. But regardless of the outcome, as they grow up, some decide that they don’t want to bother with anything different any longer. Inertia has set in.

I’ve discovered this day to day in my own life recently. When I was younger, I lived a life one could say was limited in opportunities. I honestly saw no way to traverse the imaginary moat that prevented me from living my dream life. I thought for a long time that I was never going to leave Southeast Asia. Sometimes, I’d even find myself resigned to the fact, and I was only 10 years old. Even if an opportunity came along to live just a portion of my dream, I would question the true worth of the impact. “I’m going to have to go back to reality at some point,” I’d think.

Then, I grew and recognized how to be hungry, and I’ve posted about these times in previous posts, and the opportunities never stopped. In fact, in almost a self-serving cycle, the more opportunities I seized, the more came my way. The fire burned strong and burnt away any reservation or fear.

But right now, as I lie on my bed in Chicago, and think about what troubles me, I think about the fact that the limitless opportunities are in some way paralyzing. There’s so much one can do, so how should one choose? And even if he does, who else can come with him? One might as well resort to not exploring anything new, either becoming indulgent or idle.

This is a function of blessing; blessing because all of a sudden I traversed that impossible moat and yet am puzzled by how I got here. But that blessing is not complete if I am one of only few who can enjoy this side. So I must balance exploring this side of the moat and enjoying it, and yet finding ways to create bridges over the dark depths of the moat for more to come over.

One must explore, one must be hungry. One must want to keep encountering change, from both sides of the moat. One must be ready to take risk and play it dangerous. I’d never be who I am if I played it safe, and I don’t know who I’d be otherwise, but I’m pretty darn happy with who I am now.