feel the burn

When I was 14, my class tutor wrote in his comments of me in my report book:  “Wherever Rovik goes, people will definitely feel the wake of his crossing” . Looking back , at 14 , I hadn’t made as many big decisions as I was making right now. Yet, someone had seen something in me.

That phrase stuck in my head ever since. It didn’t bloat my ego as much as it made me think whether I was limiting myself by thinking small. I increased my appetite slowly over time and now I am here, hungry for so much more.

It starts as a slow burn , a determination that builds on itself. One day, it explodes and you’re a burning entity , bright and ferocious. I used to think that this was one of my strongest qualities, and it probably still is. But I’m starting to feel the side-effects.

The problem with burning is that the fire within is the strongest. The flames on the outside may be the brightest but it’s the core temperature right at the center of the flame that is at its peak. It has to be, because that is where most of the flame’s luster is derived from. In the same way, my soul has to be where most of my energy comes from. Yet, no human person is able to handle the slow burn of the flame core for too long. Like anything that burns, it slowly reduces till there’s nothing left.

Do I feel tired every night? Perhaps,  but I feel a lot more satisfied with my life. Exhausted? More than I’d like to be. But always , always in the full bliss of life.

I feel like a race-car , speeding through life. People say “Slow down and smell the roses” – I say “I’m smelling 10 roses a second”. A part of me worries that if I slow down, I have to face the burden of the journey I’ve made. Everything comes at a cost, and I’ve been paying off these costs by leveraging them for more returns. When I finally do stop though (or perhaps the bigger question is Will I ever stop) , I’ll have to face it.

I’ll have to face that people have let me down, and I’ve let others down. I’ll have to face that I’ve not been a completely good person and fell so many times. I’ll have to face that my journey may not achieve my life’s only ambition – to tell the best possible story.

But rather than worry about these problems, I simply try to be aware of them. I simply try to feed my soul, keeping it robust and healthy ; ready to keep on burning and rejuvenating the flame. I chose this life – I chose to drive the front seat of life rather sit in the passenger seat. I will not be knocked down , I will prevail.

because this life is all about the decisions you make and the choices you take. and i’m not going to let regret be on the list of things i achieve with my life

geronimo.

 

If something burns your soul with purpose and desire, it’s your duty to be reduced to ashes by it. Any other form of existence will be yet another dull book in the library of life.” – Charles Bukowski

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