why i love doctor who – and how 2014 is going to roll

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X21JXIO-Tec

I’m addicted to this song, it’s produced by a philharmonic orchestra and I’ve been listening to this on loop for the past 2 days. Ever since the Rings of Akhaten , i’ve been hooked, but when it came back for the Doctor’s regeneration in The Time of the Doctor, I just died.

Doctor Who is a glimpse into what life could be. I’m a hopeless romantic in the sense that I am never satisfied with mediocrity. I don’t like it when people tell me how things “should” be , because I’m excited for what could be. The Doctor is like me in a lot of ways (and I guess a lot of other fans find parts of them in the Doctor as well) .

The Doctor is self-destructive, he’s constantly finding ways to put himself in harm’s way, because that’s where he finds the answers he’s looking for. He’s been wandering the galaxy for thousands of years, picking up random companions, experiencing different aspects of himself, and consistently morphing. That’s my wanderer card.

He is the Doctor for a reason – he fixes things and makes people better off than when they first started with him. Yet he is also fierce to those who betray him, so damn fierce. It’s the same spectrum philosophy I subscribe to – immense love can corrupt to immense hatred with the right stigma. Because the spectrum extends on both sides. And he is relentless , he will not stop , until his companions step in and remind him to be compassionate. “i was the doctor, i killed so many people. i had my bad days”

But the number one I find myself in the Doctor is because no matter what happens, people look to him for the solutions. He is the answer, and the question. Trust your Doctor is the tagline – i like that. I’m not near his level of credibility but I’d like to get there. I’d like to be the go-to guy, the closer.

Peter Capaldi has taken over as The Doctor and that’s a whole new series of excitement. I just can’t wait, because where there’s a moment to spare, the Doctor is there.

___

2014 is coming, and i’m amassing an empire of ideas. Life, you thought you could take away everything by postponing my college till fall next year. Well here I am proving you wrong.

My Challenge in 2014 is divided into two halves;

The first half is pre-college

  1. Help others realise their dreams – the Start-up Nursery I call it.
  2. Make a dent in the local commentary scene – The Hidden Good and it’s affiliates is going to create buzz online for sure
  3. Travel the World
  4. Learn basic Cross-Fit and commit to it

The second  half is college itself

  1. Survive
  2. Meet people
  3. HAVE FUN

Believe it or not, I see my freshman year as a break. I’m going to be working quite hard in 2014 and in college, I can have the luxury of having to commit on my studies to keep up. Oh man , oh man, I need to go to school. 9 Months has to fly by faster.

I’ve connected most of the people that I’ve wanted to work with on board the projects, but I could use with more help. If you’re willing to commit, send me a buzz. I don’t take nonsensical stuff like “I can help online stuff etc.” – I used to, but now I can say I don’t. Your commitment means something – your word stands for who  you are. Don’t back out, don’t cancel, don’t over-promise.  I’ve felt like shit when I overpromised, and I’m learning myself what I can work with. But at the same time, I deal the same damage to those who commit frivolously.

I do promise one thing though, and those who have stood by me have learnt it. I will change the way you see things because I only desire the non-mediocre. It’s so ostentatious, I cringe saying it, but my desire for adventure is overwhelming. 2014 is going to have a lot more of those moments

In it all, I’m going to adopt one principle – my new year resolution of sorts – love ferociously. i’ve guarded my heart for too long – it’s time to get it broken many times over. i’m still young

I can’t wait.

geronimo.

 

to die is to live – my thanksgiving post of the year – part 2

i’m typing this while i’m in Doha International Airport right now. gonna do it while I have free time. the jetlag is gonna kick in soon but i’ve to get through this stage so that I can enjoy the holiday.

in the last few posts, I appreciated my mates in NS here ( Part 1, 2, 3 ) and The Hidden Good Peeps and OC Peeps in this post here ( Click )

Here I remember everyone else –

YouTube was something of a surprise for me. I’ve been a big YouTube consumer since I was young – always watching videos online and thinking to myself “these people are pretty cool”. Going onto YouTube for The Hood Factory was a risky decision – we’re fighting for an audience. But we realised the community online is amazing – our first message out to Aaron from the then-WahBanana was replied with a quick invite to meetup. All because we had already decided to put up content.

I’m super glad for that first meetup – because it paved the way for many more collaborations and meetups. Aaron, you’re an amazing guy – committed to YouTube and a great guy to hang out with. Janice, I’m super glad we met you too – gonna enjoy working at Gush with you next year building the YouTube scene!  And of course, Elliot, the conversations we have whenever we meet – your off-screen personality is world’s apart from what we see on-screen and that’s a powerful trick. Fish, you’re just one crazy mofo hahaha. Keep it that way. Love talking to you.

Jianhao,  selfie-master and overall xiao-mei-mei killer, it’s here we remember that we only met a few months ago and we’re pretty chummy already – we’ve had quite a few bro moments already. Love the commitment you have to  your channel – and the effort you put into delivering great content. Look forward to working with you more!

Ryan, Sylvia, Sikeen –  I still remember the first time we met at The Prata Shop – I’m looking to learn alot of cinematography and script-writing from you guys! Not to mention, the conversations we have end up being very honest haha. Thanks for throwing things our way too ( though none have really come through yet! but thanks still!)

Cheok, Keiji  – Fellow small YouTubers – hopefully we’ll all grow with our content but till then I’m glad we got to hang out a few times! Thanks for helping us out thus far, and let us know how we can help as well! I’m proud to have fellow YouTubers like you!

Then of course, everyone else I’ve met in the YouTube side of things – Jason, Christian, Sheena, Freda, Clifford , Vincent, Althea, Tashi , Xavier – glad I’m getting to hang out with you guys. Here’s to more opportunities to hang out.

___

Audrey, Min –  thanks for all the spontaneous support you guys give. I’m glad Yi Hui put us together – there’s a lot I want to learn from you guys as entrepreneurs! Gerald,  Jum  i’m glad to have met you too!

Ly, Upneet, Ray, Alvona, Parveen, Uncle Eck Kheng Daniel Martin  and all the people who have covered us  on media – thanks for believing in us and putting our message out. Looking forward to making things happen.

Cass, Sharon, Soo Han – for the work with NEMATION and Nexus , for supporting us so much in all that we do! We appreciate it wholeheartedly.

Wei Lieh, Aik Yang, Holy Innocent High School, SKM, FairPrice Foundation (Liyana, Emerald, Roshida) –  for inviting us to give sharings and rewarding us publicly for our works! It’s encouragement and that helps us keep going!

Oswald, Qin En, Ying Cong –  for taking the entrepreneur journey as well and supporting us as we support you! Thanks for always looking out for opportunties for us!

Preston, Gloria, Tat Hsiang, Linan, Kenneth, Eric, Brandon, Carolyn, Ryo, Joel , Merle, Pamela, Doreen, Wynne, Laura, Michelle, Nicole, Sam, Dixon, Elaine –  I’m glad to have gotten to still do some EDB stuff this year , it’s always good meeting the rest of your colleagues.

My Facebook Friends for being great supporters and helping me push for what I need so much –  Wei Yen, Dominic, Ming Kwang Alastair, Shiao-Yin, Tedd, Qi Siang, Norvin, Eck Kheng, LKK, Louis and so many more  for providing vibrant discussions on my page. Thanks for engaging with me, and helping me grow ,it was great and I look forward to more.

Marc, for reaching out to us to do One World Summit . I’m excited to make this work. I’m excited to get youths activating their passions and get off their asses. Powerful things are coming man.

Chlo,  I’m realising I like talking and hanging out with you more and more each day. I’m damn glad we crossed paths – here’s to more outings and crazy adventures 😀 You’re a special kind of awesome.

___

There’s a lot more people that I ought to mention, I know. So if  your name is not here, please know that I will update the posts the moment I remember. My memory isn’t great – but it does remember people that have had a stake in my year. So give me time 😀

2013, you’ve been pretty darn awesome. 2014, I have great plans for you, and God has probably better plans. The Hood Factory Season 2, A Satire Talk Show, The Hidden Food, MP3 Experiment 2014, One World Summit, VC2014, Omom…, MCN formation, StrengthsFinder, Vietnam Trip, EuroTrip and all that is BEFORE August. Flying off to the US after that is just gonna be the start of a whole nother journey.

One of my favourite movies is RocknRolla. Today i feel like a real RocknRolla.

geronimo.

bouts of insanity – my thanksgiving post of the year – part 1

we all have our bouts of insanity. but i’ve found out in the span of the year that the capacity for wild , unthinkable moments increase with your willingness to discover and dream. 2013 was by far the best year of my life thus far.

i started a few big projects, i made a lot of new friends and my social circles shifted, and i gained a lot of exposure and experiences.

if i was to recap the year in bullets it would be like this :

  • Get posted into New Unit
  • Start The Hidden Good
  • Get Promoted
  • Go on CNA as an Expert for the first time
  • Visit my Grandparents and Relatives in India
  • Organise Singapore’s first ever Official MP3 Experiment
  • Hang out with the YouTubers
  • Hang out with the Community of Causes
  • Participate in NDP
  • Became a Platoon Sergeant
  • Go on a TimeMarch in Malaysia
  • ORD
  • Ran a Marathon
  • Transitioning out of Ministry Head Position
  • Go to the US with my Family

There was probably a lot more in between, including all the videos I created, all the events I spoke at and even the nights spent chilling with friends – but there’s no way I could remember everything. That’s why I found it incredibly important to snap pictures as and when I could. When you know you’re moving too fast , even for yourself, you capture enough memories to look back at when you’re slowing down.

I’m a bit of a weirdo when it comes to commitment. My mom scolded me before because I never stuck at anything longer than a few months. That’s true – when I’m not interested in something or someone, I can’t help but show it. I’m disappointingly rude like that (I’m trying to work with it) – but I move on very quickly. However, when I do find something I believe in, or someone I decide to trust, I’m fiercely loyal. My friends know that they grow with me , my bros know that I’m always the same despite the pace I’m pushing in the day. It’s really how I keep the core strong while strengthening the outer parts of my lifestyle.

When all is said I done, the lessons I learnt above matter ass much as the friends and people I learnt it from. So here’s the thanksgiving post – the one where I tell everyone how much they’ve impacted me, how much I love them, and where I eventually get scolded by the dear friends that escape my memory for not having them in.

That being said – a good majority of the year was spent in NS and I’ve written a post for those involved – here they are

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This is for the rest

___

of course, we have the customaries. and it’s good that they’re customary, because that means year after year they still rank the most important influences in my life.

God, for being so faithful. For always loving me despite my flaws, for teaching me, for guiding me, for growing me. For his providence ( sometimes I wonder how I still have money in the bank), and his blessing.

My Family for their support – for letting me be when I needed to be the lone wold , and for welcoming me back everytime I ended up drained or overwhelmed. For fighting with me so that I’ll remain humble, for encouraging me so that I’ll climb them mountains. My Mom for crying so much over me, my Dad for crossing valleys to enable me, my Brother for being there any time, my Sister for reminding me about the innocence of childhood.

My Closest Buds –

Imran – for being the bro who gives a damn. You give so much a damn, it hurts. Every year, I say the same thing and I stand by it. I’m glad we’re still solid after so many years – after all the wacky adventures we’ve had, we  probably are bound to build a lot more. You’re right though – I need to slow down. I will.

Ding Hao – Token Indian friend (You’re my token Sentosa friend) or not, this broship is something I won’t give up for anything. I  love how we have enough common love over craft beers, good music, games, ideas and philosophy that we don’t have a lack of stuff to talk about. And I’m excited that we’re both going to the US next year.

Gabriel –  We didn’t hang out as much as I would have liked to this year, but that’s because you’re a BMT spec. And I’m glad you got your ass out of being a storeman and dared to become a spec . I’ve always loved catching up with you, Shi Feng, Wendi, Brenda (who’s like AWOL now) – let’s do more of this

___

My Partners in Crime, Hoodies and CoC buds,

Leon –  There’s no reason why you’re not a true blue bro after all we’ve been through. We created something magical , we’re leaving a legacy next year, and after all the ups and downs, the twists and turns, the smiles and stampedes we have a brand that is versatile, strong and powerful in impacting thousands. If we weren’t so yin-and-yang , this probably wouldn’t work, but we are and that makes a difference. Thanks for putting up with me – very few can. To know that I’m going to work with you in EDB , that’s a very empowering thought – let’s rock that place. The Honesty Pact always stands

Valerie –  You know you can click with someone when conversations just roll off the moment you meet. I’ve told you how inspired I was by PHS, and I was such a fanboy when we met. I’m glad you taught us what you knew – we’ve grown so much because of that. And I’ve found a dear friend in you – even though it’s super hard to hang out.

The Hidden Good team – Darren (thanks for being so damn committed, it’s contagious) , Jay (for helping us establish the basics when we set up – it was a sad moment when we realised you’re leaving) , Alvin ( again, for the great initial and continuous mentorship ), Ryan (for helping us set up) Jon, Joon Sin (part of the initial J-Crew, it was fun with the gang), Matthew, Jethro, Vishnu, Aiysh, Bella (the RJ Gang for being so amazingly brilliant in all the ways you were ) , Yihui (for leading the charge on the MP3 Experiment with us, you’re a powerful woman meant for big things. Don’t ever take anything less) , Shyen  (I’m glad I convinced you to join us, loved having you on board ), Lavanya, Viren, Nicole Kuek, Ada, David, Jia Lok, Shane, Chang Yen , Noel , Pixel Rife,  for helping us make The MP3 Experiment a reality, Ethan, Shawn, Zhen Jie, Shiuan, Luke, Chuni, Yohann  for always being willing to come down when we need more hands on deck. We appreciate the extra support.  Boon – SO MUCH because you’re so cool and indispensable. I’m glad I have you on our team.

And of course we have the next-gen team, who are going to help make next year even more powerful . Elyssa, Frank, Nick, Chloe , Jonas, Steph – who just joined us and have much to promise!

Shiaw – Yan , such  a bro. I would say I’m indebted to you but I know you do what you do cause you truly care about the people around you, and I want to appreciate you publicly for being an awesome human being. Thanks for watching out for us all the way man – and helping us when we’re in the ruckus, and celebrating with us when we’re in the highs.

Josiah, Adrian, Ashton, Arjun, Victoria, Chloe, Kenneth, Joseph, Hongxi, Audrey , Jerviel, Kim, Jin Zhi, Rifeng, Xiu Jing, – Thanks for caring about what you guys care about and being such inspirations for me. WE NEED TO MEET SOON DAMMIT.

My mentors –

Jeff –  i love our small chats. there’s so much transference of perspective, I look forward to the next one. I speak of you when I imagine who I want to be when I’m 40 , honestly. Powerful man, doing small things that make big change. I’m glad we crossed paths

Jeremy – so much spontaneity. Move fast, break things. I’ve taken some of that into my own life. We need to catch up soon, but thanks for teaching me life as a rebel can be worth it. Thanks for teaching me that things can be done if you put your mind to it

Pong – Man, oh man. Pong, you’re always exciting to talk to. Spiritually, I learn so much when I see you humbling yourself before Christ, I realise I have a long way to go before being truly a servant of God – but I wanna get there more. You’re a true coach, an enabler, and I must thank you so much for capturing my strengths and teaching me how to leverage off them. I’m excited to work together.

Shi-Mei –  thanks so much for mentoring me spiritually. being a ministry head can become tiring, but knowing you have someone walking through it with you (with God of course)  is a powerful thought. thanks for always caring – it’s exhausting to do it, but you always do. we all love you for it.

Louise –  When I first heard about you, I remember telling Cass to put me in touch. I wanted to learn so much – I was very impressed by the fact that you had two cafes under your belt. After meeting you, I don’t think I’m surprised anymore – it’s who you are. And to be under your mentorship means I can learn where I can reach and how to operate an enterprise efficiently and still achieve all that we set out to achieve.

___

OC

OC has somehow continued to remain a big force in my life. It’s where I have many core friends as well

Cass –  my favourite big sister. I refuse to call you Grandma – it’s just weird. I’m always grateful to tompang your car cause I get to spend more time with you and just chat about all kinds of stuff. It’s because you’re so open to people that you’d make a great person in life. I rushed over the moment I could with my car to drive you around.

Ivfy –  You have a big job ahead of you, but a bigger God behind you. That’s the best advice I can give you. I have complete trust in you to take over the helm of OPEC and run it with full gusto and vision. I’ve seen you work and I know you have a heart of passion, and care about the people you work with. That’s what is needed now and you fit the bill! I’m always here for any advice so don’t worry!

Pastor Kay, Pastor Ling –  I’m a pretty irritating person when it comes to being a schoolboy Christian, but I thank God that I have the pastoral advice from you. Good luck Pastor Kay on your future endeavours! And Pastor Ling, thanks for being patient with me with my questions! I hope to grow !

My BS Group – Benji, Ernest, Elliot, Ivfen, Anton, Ade, Chuni, Keith, Guin, Steph, Ben, Cheryl, Muzay, Jer, Tingyi, Shyen , Matt Chim and everyone else for being such a strong support group for me and for helping me grow.

OPEC – Jon, Matt, Marissa, Micah,Jil, Steph, Nathan, Charles, Chaunce, Jason, Darryl –  for being an awesome ministry. Our job is a tough one – you guys are tougher.

The rest of OC of course – Luke, Darolyn, Emae, Justin, David, Celine, Laura, Sylvia, Joey, Chrystal, Justin, Kakit – OMG ALL OF YOU – for being a great community to keep coming back to. I’m gonna miss you guys when I go to us.

i didn’t think I’d need to split up my posts but it’s gotten pretty massive thus far.

i’m gonna write part 2 tomorrow – YouTubers, Facebook Friends, Partners and Synergisers, and good old people who have shaped my year.

till then,

geronimo

#littleindiariot #bringbacksanity

20131209-085627 am.jpg

Just yesterday I was blogging that I’m happy no political happenings had occurred recently – I’m afraid I jinxed the universal force ; something huge happened yesterday and in a lot of ways , it was political and it was social.

Long Story short: After an accident involving a bus driver knocking down an Indian/Bangladeshi national occurred, the foreign nationals in the area flocked to avenge the victim by flogging the bus . Some were inebriated , some were not.

When the police stepped in, escalation occurred , causing the riot to erupt to a scale of 400+ rioters and multiple forces being activated from the SPF, SCDF and even the SAF on standby . Things calmed down by 1230. Life is back to normal now.

Here are my thoughts:

1) Our generation just learnt the importance of history class. We may continue to chide that we don’t need National Service , that we have nothing to fear; but that’s exactly where we fail to understand that while most threats can be predicted , the worst are those that can’t . Threats of whim and passion escalate quickly and without a force ready to respond , we have very little to be hopeful of. The people that responded included people in my circle of friends or wider , my direct peers. Knowing that they were responding , ACTIVELY stepping in to effect change, made me not only proud of the 2 years I had just served , but itching to step in and do my part. When all is said and done, most of us NSmen will step up to do something when our peace is threatened . So instead of downplaying it or belittling it, boast it. Because when people hear that the Force is committed to maintaining the peace across all servicemen , few are gonna dare to cross it

2) Social Media is like College. Now most of you know , my domain of influence is generally on social media. I’ve learnt that what I say matters online , and can shape people’s thoughts. It’s what happens when you announce your ideas to the world. Last night, a different kind of riot was erupting online. Where most of the netizens (and I thank God for this) were urging others to be responsible and collect information accurately – there was a small proportion identifying an opportunity to be witty or humorous. Your wit can wait. I’ll joke with you forcefully tomorrow or next week, but today remember that lives were hurt, damage was wrought and peace was scarred. It was as if the class clowns were making a ruckus and the rest of the class had to shush them up. The truth is, this may occur again for any other potentially sensitive situation . And we have to be ready to stand in solidarity for the people that need to be cares for. #bringbacksanity

3) Something’s amiss in the Race Arena. This topic is probably the most important. It’s not an issue of public drinking . It’s not even an issue of enclaving or a rise in foreign talent. It’s about us . Xenophobia has hit a new high. Now I speak as a Singaporean citizen (proud and true) , and not as an Indian (of which I feel greatly hurt and disappointed at what happened last night) . We have to ask ourselves to what extent do we wish our xenophobia to cloud our judgement. Why are foreigners always clumped out in fields? Not just Indians , mind you; any race . It’s because we refuse to provide them appropriate facilities to to congregate , to build a community of their own. It’s because we refuse to integrate them. Now let me qualify this by saying that riots in India being common are no excuse for them occurring in Singapore. It’s our country – our rules, stand by them. But apparently they sorely lack education of the law of the land , or the culture of it. And that’s because we push them away, and we treat them like dirt. I may be Singaporean , but I’m also human. I don’t think it’s ever right to hurt someone else for their skin color or religion . What happened yesterday was wrong and deserves justice, but can happen forward is up to us.

There’s a lot more running through my mind right now , but as a 20 year old I need to believe in a future worth saving. And that means building it together.

It’s a blip in our history, that’s for sure. But we should NEVER let it make it the normal.

Good morning

the one where i talk to myself in third person

i like how this season there are very few political happenings – it gives me an excuse to indulge in creative writing. my friends have said that they’ve wanted to pick my mind for sometime. i find that pretty scary – my mind is a dangerous place. it’s where dreams are born, but also where emotions are locked up in the face of logic. it’s where awareness breeds inadequacy , and where the knowledge of no knowledge is king.

but what if we could… what if we could see ourselves in third person? what would we say?

____

i always imagined entering my mind as entering a secret door , hidden in the large trunk of a tall tree, marked out clearly in the centre of the forest. when I was in England, I found such a tree. i simply willed it, and the doors opened up, allowing me to enter freely.

therein were two chairs. the room was dark, except for a spotlight , showing the seats in contrast to the rest of the area. it was instinctive ; i went to sit on one of the chairs.

“hello?” i had said.

i’m coming , i didn’t think you’d ever visit

“of course i would. we both knew this would happen. we’re weird like that” i had remarked. it was true. i achieved nearly anything i put my mind to. unraveling the mind included.

alright, alright. let me put on some pants. 

a shallow version of myself walked out. he was skin and bones. his eyes were hollowed out, and his breath was deliberate.

“i never thought my mind was so weak” i had snorted.

that’s exactly it. your mind isn’t anything spectacular. you’ve exhausted me – given me no rest, no recuperation.

that’s fair. we have much to do, don’t you see? our lives are racing to the grave, yet there’s so much to do , so much to see. how can you remain idle?” i replied.

do you know what’s the fondest memory i had of us? 

no,” i had said.

when we danced in the moonlight. when you let yourself go. when we weren’t about rationality, we were about whim. you let the gut do most of the thinking then

“how is he anyway? the gut i mean”  i interrupted.

he’s pretty good. you’ve been working him out, that helps me as well. as i was saying, though, i liked it a lot more when we were about creating stories rather than racing the clock

“you’re right. i remember when i wanted to write the ultimate story : my own life” i popped in.

ah yes, the ultimate story. that was a good year. 2014 was it not?

twenty-fucking-fourteen. when i had realised that the stories i had written were way too compelling to be left as print, i decided to construct the most epic storyline imaginable. ”

i still remember the final party you threw, just before you flew off for your studies. all the people you had ever met, all the experiences you had every nurtured, all laid in front of you. wasn’t that grand? did that not show you that anything was possible?

“and you probably grew ten-fold after that, didn’t you?”

i did. that’s probably why you could cope with college. let’s be honest, we’re not normally equipped for such rigor. it’s only because of what we did.

“i agree. i miss that. i miss caring about what i did”

you should meet your soul. he’ll probably surprise you

“oh gosh, how would i find him?”

he’s a she. it’s unimaginable but you’re quite a sensitive guy deep down. it’s just that you’ve built that wall around yourself. to block out anything that can hurt her

” that makes sense. i tend to get protective over the people i care about as well”

but you’ve learnt to empower them as well. you’ve realised that loving isn’t stifling. it’s learning to help them become who they should and can be. the moments when you were in love were the moments i felt a thrill 

” i like the sound of that. i miss the times when i was relaxed. when i felt at peace”

you used to like fishing didn’t you. it was like yoga, but you got to kill something. you didn’t have to do anything but pull it out of its environment and watch it realise it’s life was flashing past it.

that’s the dangerous part of me… i don’t want to go there”

you have to accept it. when you’re faced with the spectrum of knowledge and understanding, when you’re awe at what’s insanely good, you would also watch back at what’s insanely bad and see the wicked beauty in it. 

“and i’ll hate it. i can appreciate the beauty, but i’ll hate it”

and rightfully so.

” i’m tired. but there’s so much more i want to talk about”

then come back. i’ll be dressed the next time

“i shall” I had said.

and i walked out of the room, feeling more aware of myself than i had ever been. and i swore for the moment that i had left him, the shrunken shadow of my mind had grown in size.

geronimo.

the reason why i’ll be abit more quiet

i met someone interesting today. i met a full-on entrepreneur. he’s rich, he’s confident, he’s full of passion – and no matter the amount of backstory we’re missing, he had made critical change in the world and his environment.

he was high-octane.

i thought about it abit more , and realised two things: 1) this guy probably doesn’t have a girlfriend. he can’t have anyone holding him when he’s moving so fast. 2) this guy probably goes out to network; how often does he hang out with his legitimate friends?

at that moment, i realised i could be like him if i wanted to. there were all the perks – living a passion-filled life, making big change, living large etc.

but there’s always been a part of me that wants to stay traditional in a sense – i want a relationship that lasts longer than 3 months, i want a family, a legacy and i don’t know if i can wait till i’m 35 for that.

the conflict has always been between the two. and today i decided rather than finding a torturous balance – i’ll choose one over the other.

it’s hard because the only person that would have and still probably can keep me away has self-declared things to be too complicated to handle. there’s way too many moving factors and emotions involved in this mess that only clarity without mask can break the silence. if not, there’s no reason to pursue, to get any more involved.

a good friend of mine told me “don’t get into anything that is complicated right from the get-go”.

i didn’t listen at first because i thought there was a shot. now i’m not so sure.

i believe in one-off opportunities, i don’t believe things will come back the same way we want them to in the future.

i hope i made the right decision

geronimo.

rovik